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Editorials 
Wario Weekend
- By Wario
Wario
Welcome NGenres readers, by reading this you hereby give all of your gold to me, Wario, and must enter your credit card number below:
Excellent! Now that that business is over with, we can get-a down to me, Wario, eh? It's all well and good that your precious Mario has a new-a game-a coming out, but don't forget that I will soon be getting an entire planet just for me in my first 3D adventure, Wario World.
Let's-a take a moment to recount the games I've-a been in before. Which one is your favorite?
I started out as the villain in Super Mario Land 2: The Seven Golden Coins for Game Boy. You say there were only six? Heh heh, don't tell Mario...
Then Nintendo wised up and gave their biggest star his own game. It was still titled Super Mario Land 3, but that plumber only showed up at the end to steal from me. NO ONE steals what I steal fair and square first! While-a we're on the subject, I ask you, where's the money in plumbing? My cousin should be looting and scheming like me...
I starred in Wario Lands 2, 3, 4, and Wario Land for Virtual Boy. I loved the Virtual Boy- I made tons of cash with it since I bet against its success!
Other games which starred me include Wario's Woods and Mario and Wario, a game that only came out in Japan. I don't speak-a no Japanese, so they got someone else to do-a my voice. If I don't agree with a script I won't say the lines, but appearing in games brings in better money during hard times than certain internet films I've been in. I forget which games have my actual voice in them, but you can hear the difference in how I speak from one game to the next. Nintendo-a thinks they can throw-a in Italian "-as" and no one will know-a the difference. It's-a offensive both as an Italian-a stereotype and to good-a writing...
You can hear-a my voice in Mario Kart 64, Mario Golf, Mario Tennis, the Mario Party games, etc. I'm still-a mad at that Bowser and his communist revolution in Mario Party 2. I had all the money and he made me share it with that stupid dinosaur who follows Mario around. If I had a dinosaur I'd be making a fortune, I wouldn't hit it in the back of the head to make it eat berries. I'd put it in a petting zoo or something. I hear its taste for berries is waning and its puking all over the place, so maybe letting kids go right next to it is a bad idea. I'd probably have law suits on my hand. I have bat suits and zombie suits, but I can't stand a law suit.
What is the point of all this you ask? I just wanted to remind-a you of my new game, Wario World, before Super Mario Sunshine comes out. I travel all over the world to places like twisted amusement parks and Egyptian-like pyramids just to get my gold back. The airfare almost isn't worth it, but I intend to take all-a the peanuts on every flight. So far it seems like standard platforming and has long loading times, but unlike the Virtual Boy I wouldn't bet against this one! It-a will be the greatest game ever!
My-a brother Waluigi is directing it. If he does well Nintendo promised to give him his own haunted mansion game. All the ghosts-a will be Italian- thanks Nintendo...
Agree with what I'm saying? Disagree? Let us know your thoughts on this issue in our mail bag. The views of Wario Wario are not necessarily the views of NGenres.com or its affiliates.
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