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Editorials   Republican Conspiracy Theory 101
- By Lander Clinton

Does anyone else think it's a little suspect of them to put ROVErs on Mars, considering Karl ROVE is the president's top adviser?

Sources from inside the subterrainian White House say these rovers are only the first step. "Once we locate water on Mars, we'll be free to send humans to the red planet with instant-oil powder mix to add to the water," said one top official who refused to give her name. "Once enough oil is on the planet, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove will go there to bathe in it."

Qweiwen, a local Martian who lives up on the hills of Olympus Mons, understands the Earthlings love of all things oil. "MMMMM.... it tastes so goooooood," it said, but also stated it fears the way humans go about getting it. "I mean, oil's great, but, c'mon!" which translates into English as "Please take our oil now, we don't want it!"

President Bush was on hand to look like a chimpanzee.