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Editorials   Gaming Horror Stories
- By Michael Loewer

Before we begin, I'd like to make two points. First, although I'm using a company name in this pseudo-rant, I never actually say exactly where I'm located. My freedom of speech is intact. If you do recognize the locale, congratulations, you live in my city. Secondly, this event happened over a month ago, so conditions at this rental store may not be the same now as they were then. However, poking fun should still be most enjoyable.

As I write this, the time is 12:56am--a perfect time to embark on a tale of terror, one of frustration and rage. This is the first installment of "Gaming Horror Stories!" While I and other staff members may contribute, we'd also like to post readers' dealings with inept game stores as well. So if you've got one you'd like to share, send it to me.

With that, my tale begins...

Unfortunately, the closest video store to my house is a small Blockbuster Video. Since I moved to this city, Blockbuster has occupied a shaky place in my mind--my cousin, Brian Shackelford, was an Assistant Manager in one, and I'm not sure if he ever told me anything enjoyable about that job experience.

The problem is that this particular Blockbuster obviously has an enormous bias against Nintendo and well, hell, anyone but Sony--and even the Nintendo games they do choose to carry are questionable at best. Of course, a year or two ago an employee once told me they would "most likely never carry DVDs because they're probably just a fad," but that's another story altogether.

The lack of quality selection can be a real problem, especially since part of my job here at NGenres is game reviews--which requires a rental if we're not able to get a copy of the game from the publisher. I'd love to just go buy a copy of every game I need to review, but for right now, funds are scarce. Such is the hopefully temporary sacrifice of being a dot-com startup.

Anywho, I expect that when I go to my local video store to pick up a game, it'll either be available or MAYBE temporarily out of stock if it's a new release. So far, however, out of the three games I've needed to rent, none were availabe. First, Kirby 64 (out of stock), then Goemon's Great Adventure (never carried), and then Batman Beyond (never carried). After being completely frustrated for that third time, I snapped and swore to come back with a digicam.

That, my friends, is where this story really begins.

May 24th, 6:24pm
I arrive outside Blockbuster Video. The populace is sparse.




"The Defendant"


A yellow banner advertising "Now Hiring Managers" flaps in the breeze.




"If they only knew"


I think to myself that those new managers have no idea what they're in for. That red convertible in the corner is the NGenres.com company car, better seen here:




"Company Corvette"


Off camera, several onlookers try and fake like they're not wondering why some guy is out in the parking lot taking pictures. Stop staring at me!


6:28pm
I walk inside, camera hanging around my neck. No one pays any attention, but I keep my back to the desk clerks just the same and head for the gaming shelves to hide from their view while I gather evidence.


6:30pm-6:45pm
Pictures begin, uh, beeping--this is why digicams rock--all anyone can hear is a small "beep" every once in a while coming from my general direction.

Evidence includes:

Ultra-small GameBoy selection consisting of a great deal of girly games such as Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Sabrina, Barbie, etc.




"Increased Estrogen Levels"


The entire Game Boy selection takes up a whopping two shelf sections--and girly, cutesy games like those above make up the brunt of the choices. The Dreamcast section is even smaller:




"Absurd"


We may be a Nintendo site and all, but everyone knows that the big N and Sega have always had a sort of alliance against the tyranny of Sony. I do what I can.

Here's the N64 selection:




"Not what it seems"


True, it may appear "large" in the picture, but your eyes are being deceived. As the Playstation taught us, quantity is not better than quality. For example:




"Blues Brothers everywhere"

At last count, I believe I found up to 10 copies of Blues Brothers 2000, while no copies of award winners like Goemon's Great Adventure. Finally, just for grins:




"Indeed"


My question is, who's producing all of these Mary Kate and Ashley games? Can you believe this Blockbuster carries three of them? Think about it, there are actually people buying them, and in great enough numbers to warrant producing a new one every couple of months.

Wild stuff.

6:47pm
I decide to get a candid snapshot of the desk clerks, ninja style. I sneak behind a couple of closer shelves, and grab a pic of them going about their business. Granted, they had done nothing wrong (and generally understand my loathing), but it'll be cool if they visit us one day and realize thousands of people a month are seeing their picture online.




"My head is shiny"

Apparently, my self-taught ninja training has not yet gone far enough. This whole time I was being watched by both a wandering store clerk and a little elementary school kid. I gave this clerk the goofiest "I'm a geek" smile I could muster, and he just sorta gave this blank expression and walked away. I waved to the kid, who was promptly led a way by his mother.

I distinctly remember hearing, in response to the little boy's question about why I was taking pictures, something about people my age being drug users, or something to that effect. Kind of funny--if you enjoy being stereotyped by the ignorant masses.

That's about when I decided my mission was complete. It's a total coincidence that my digicam battery had also just died, I swear. Upon leaving, I assumed everyone would see me and the camera since I had to face the front desk as I walked out. Fortunately, the staff remained in their boredom induced catatonic states, and I escaped unharmed.

With that happy ending, my story ends. It was lame, I know, but I'm sure there are people out there with real "Gaming Horror Stories" that they'd love to share with other readers. So hurry up and send them to me!


Senior Editor Michael Loewer, signing off.
Shameless plug: The Necessity